Dear Nigerian moralists – Punch Newspapers

Dear Nigerian moralists – Punch Newspapers

- in Featured

Some weeks back, an actor publicly acknowledged a lady as his second wife with a picture of their son. And the internet citizens of Nigeria were triggered.

We don’t have all the details but since it’s alleged that he kept the wife in the dark about his decision. I condemn the sneaky approach completely.

If we understand that nobody owns the other (even in marriage), it becomes easier to imbibe thoughtfulness (and not shadiness) in our dealings.

It’s only FAIR to let a spouse know when and how you think the ship (of that union) has begun to sail differently for you.

It’s even okay if you have changed as long as you UNDERSTAND they are entitled to change, too.

However, the backlash that greeted the actor’s declaration made me feel his “sin” (according to the Nigerian morality) is his openness about his current reality.

If a married man can peep out and even put a lady in the family way, what makes his making an honest woman out of her a bigger sin?

It’s actually BRAVE of him to make an honest woman out of the lady he put in the family way. Why are we not acknowledging this side of him? Not many men go that far for someone they even have a deep thing for!

You see, as a lady, in addition to praying for a “good man”, please ask God for that extra favour of planting COURAGE (especially when it’s convenient to throw you under the bus) in him.

If you know you have NOT been “upright” as your faith, values or conviction dictates, please cast no more stone on them. It irks God when we are busy with the mote in another’s eye, without firstly removing the log in our own eyes.

As far as the times are concerned, the real ignorance is not realising that your values are yours alone. And must not mean anything to someone, who wishes to live their truth or conviction differently.

I see a lot of wives running with the “internet advice” of not building with a man. That’s okay, too, as long as you understand that you are not entitled to the fruits of his lone labour.

In fact, that is when he has every moral right to focus his “generosity” wherever he wishes. You should not reap where you didn’t sow, right?

If in the shoes of a husband, I would find it VERY tiring to have to always be at the receiving end of a wife’s “new resolution,” following every marital anomaly out there.

Who says the challenges in your own marriage will be similar to that of “the trending couple”?

A better way to expend your energy and nurture your sanity is to keep faith in your own marriage!

As a married man, if by now you have not realised that settings that can make you “fall hand” will always abound out there, you have not understood the times that we live in at all!

Except you have girded your loins with DISCIPLINE, you may come to a regrettable reality that will SCAR (beyond belief) your family.

You just may have even bought yourself a shorter life span without realising it because emotional stress is second to none in toxicity!

“Is it worth it” is a question that should actually precede most of our actions in this “pursuit of happiness”era.

If I were to talk to his first wife, I would say: When a marriage is shaken, a lot happens FOR you. You are not the one who should become an outsider in this marriage. And this doesn’t have to affect the children adversely, if YOU want it not to. As much as possible, let’s greet some of these anomalies with more introspection than anger. Life is deep.

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